Tales of ThunderClan
by Heart of a Panther
Summary: What happens when Lionblaze tries to find Jayfeather's secret love? Ferncloud decides to stop having kits? Lionblaze finds a Burger King crown? Stories about the ThunderClan warriors. Rated T for some language and violence.
1. Jayfeather's Secret Love

**Lionblaze tries to find out if Jayfeather has a secret love, or if he doesn't, find him one! Okay, I know it's just dialogue, but it's not because I'm lazy. When I finished adding in everything, I was told that the dialogue by it's self was more funny, plus I thought it was too. Anyway, hope you like it and please R&R.**

*Jayfeather is sorting herbs in the medicine den when Lionblaze walks in*

**Lionblaze**: So, Jayfeather I was wondering, who is your secret love?

**Jayfeather**: What are you talking about?

**Lionblaze**: You know, a cat you love, but you can't be together because you're a medicine cat. You have to have one, every Thunderclan medicine cat since the beginning has had a lover.

**Jayfeather**: Well I don't.

**Lionblaze**: But you have to! Do you know how angry StarClan will get if you don't? What else do you think they do other than think of punishments for medicine cats with mates?

**Jayfeather**: I don't know or care Lionblaze.

**Lionblaze**: Come on, Jayfeather, I know you love someone. Let's see is it Rosepetal? She's pretty hot, I'm mean every time I look at her I'm like-

**Jayfeather**: I wouldn't know what she looks like because I can't see!

**Lionblaze**: Oh yeah, that sucks. So I guess you're going to be one of those 'I love her for her personality' types, right?

**Jayfeather**: *Glares*

**Lionblaze**: How about Hazeltail? She's below average looking but pretty peppy. She's like everyone's catnip when they're depressed. No? Don't worry, Jayfeather, I'll get it right eventually. Wait, is it a cat from another Clan? OMG is it Willowshine? Two medicine cats together, you're such a rebel. I don't think that's ever been done before. Well it was bound to happen eventually, right Jayfeather?

**Jayfeather**: I don't like Willowshine!

**Lionblaze**: Oh, okay is it-

**Jayfeather**: Get out!

**Lionblaze**: Fine, fine, pushy

* * *

*Puts marigold on wound Brightheart got from a thorn.*

**Jayfeather**: There you go, Brightheart

*Brightheart nods and leaves, Lionblaze comes up*

**Lionblaze**: Dude, really?

**Jayfeather**: What?

**Lionblaze**: She's like twice your age, man!

**Jayfeather**: What are you talking about?

**Lionblaze**: Brightheart! I can't believe you two are actually together!

**Jayfeather**: We are not together, Lionblaze.

**Lionblaze**: Oh come on, Cloudtail's basically left her for Daisy anyway, she's open.

**Jayfeather**: Wait, now you think we _should_ be together?

**Lionblaze**: 'Course, you're both screwed up in at least one eye. It's like you were made for each other!

**Jayfeather**: Lionblaze, there's so many things wrong with you.

**Lionblaze**: At least I'm not going after Brightheart.

* * *

**Lionblaze**: I hate you.

**Jayfeather**: What? What did I do?

**Lionblaze**: You and Cinderheart are a couple and you know I love Cinderheart!

**Jayfeather**: But me and Cinderheart aren't-

**Lionblaze**: DON'T LIE I SAW YOU TOGETHER!

**Jayfeather**: I was giving her poppy seeds because she couldn't sleep!

**Lionblaze**: Whatever Jayfeather, it's on now. She may like you more than me, but I'll win her back, just you wait.

**Jayfeather**: Lionblaze I don't like Cinderheart that way.

**Lionblaze**: But you admit you like her?

**Jayfeather**: What, you want me to say I hate her?

**Lionblaze**: Yes.

**Jayfeather**: Well, I don't Lionblaze and if you can't accept that then you'll just have to suffer.

**Lionblaze**: *Growls*

* * *

*Jayfeather is sitting in the clearing and Firestar is lying by his den*

**Firestar**: Jayfeather I need to talk to you.

**Jayfeather**: Why?

**Firestar**: Don't ask questions just get over here.

*Walks over to Firestar*

**Jayfeather**: Alright what is it?

**Firestar**: Lionblaze tells me you love someone.

**Jayfeather**: I don't Firestar, I swear.

**Firestar**: Well you better find someone real fast.

**Jayfeather**: What? Why?

**Firestar**: StarClan wants every medicine cat to have a mate.

**Jayfeather**: But it's against the code for medicine cats to have a mate, why would StarClan want me to have one?

**Firestar**: Why do you think they made it against the code, Jayfeather?

**Jayfeather**: So we wouldn't have a mate!

**Firestar**: Wrong. If StarClan allowed medicine cats to have mates, then they wouldn't have mates because they could. But if it was against the code, everyone would have a mate just to break the rules. It's a reverse psychology thing.

**Jayfeather**: That doesn't make any sense.

**Firestar**: Neither does how Heavystep came back to life and how Rowanclaw became a tom. Sometimes it's best not to question things and just roll with it.

**Jayfeather**:*Looks at hopelessly*

**Firestar**:Now go out and open your heart to the possibilities young Jayfeather!

* * *

*Lionblaze and Jayfeather are watching Briarlight drag herself out of the medicine den*

**Lionblaze**: You think she's going to get better?

**Jayfeather**: She's broken her back, she'll never be able to use her hind legs again.

**Lionblaze**: So I'm guessing that's a no?

**Jayfeather**: Obviously.

**Lionblaze**: So...

**Jayfeather**: So what?

**Lionblaze**: So are you going to get together with her?

**Jayfeather**: What?

**Lionblaze**: Well she can become a medicine cat, because ThunderClan only has good medicine cats if they're crippled. That way you're always around each other.

**Jayfeather**: Do you really think she'd want to be a medicine cat?

**Lionblaze**: Well what else is she going to do? Sit there in and die a slow and painful death by suffication? It's either be a medicine cat or be a dead kitty, which do you want to happen?

**Jayfeather**: Medicine cat, I guess

**Lionblaze**: See, there you go! Now you've finally found someone to be your mate.

**Jayfeather**: What makes you so sure she'll want to be with me?

**Lionblaze**: Obviously she's going to like you, every cat knows she-cats like the irritable, grouchy, short-tempered type. I'm mean look at Berrynose he's gotten two cats in his lifetime. And Crowfeather got three!

**Jayfeather**: I don't know...

**Lionblaze**: Let me put it this why. Chances are, we won't be able to defeat the Dark Forest until you and Briarlight have kits. They'll all be super special, and will be able to destroy the Dark Forest. Don't you want us to win against them?

**Jayfeather**: I guess.

**Lionblaze**: Then get to makin' kits!

_Three moons later, Briarlight gave birth to three kits. As it turns out, the kits were the real three and had powers that were so much more badass than the other three. They were able to defeat the Dark Forest in one millisecond. The Four Clans then forgave each other for everything, and after Firestar finally died, they lived happily ever after._


	2. The Burger King Crown

**I do not own Warriors, Burger King, Harry Potter, or Bing. Please R&R!**

*Hawkfrost is washing himself in the Dark Forest when Tigerstar comes up*

**Tigerstar**: Looky what I have, Hawkfrost.

**Hawkfrost**: A cheap paper crown?

**Tigerstar**: Not just any cheap paper crown, this a mind controlling crown!

**Hawkfrost**: Then why does it say Burger King on it?

**Tigerstar**: Because the King is known for making burgers... and having mind control!

**Hawkfrost**: Sure he is.

**Tigerstar**: No need to be so negative. Just because all my other plans failed, doesn't mean this one will.

**Hawkfrost**: I'm certain that it won't.

**Tigerstar**: Really?

**Hawkfrost**: No.

**Tigerstar**: Bah, whatever you piece of-

**Hawkfrost**: Tigerstar, you might not want to finish that sentence. Remember what Mapleshade did to you when you cussed all those other times?

*_Tigerstar looks at large 'LITTLE SHI' carved into his side_*

**Hawkfrost**: Do you want her to complete that?

**Tigerstar**: Who is she to say I can't cuss? What kind of evil villain doesn't cuss? She's obviously a fraud.

**Mapleshade**: *_from off in the distance_* WHAT WAS THAT?

**Tigerstar**: *_h__ides behind Hawkfrost_* Oh nothing, nothing.

**Hawkfrost**: Come on Tigerstar, some of the best villains had a clean mouth. I'm pretty sure Voldemort never said anything too dirty, Mrs. Weasley on the other hand...

**Tigerstar**: I don't have time for this! I need to go through with my evil plan! *_r__uns out laughing maniacally_*

**Hawkfrost**: Here we go again.

* * *

*The two cats appear in the waking world on ThunderClan territory*

**Tigerstar**: Okay, now all we have to do is wait for some stupid cat to come and have them put the crown on their head. Then we will lead them to the ThunderClan camp where we'll have them kill Firestar and I'll become supreme ruler!

*_Lionblaze starts coming over_*

**Hawkfrost**: Here comes Lionblaze.

**Tigerstar**: I don't know if he's dumb enough for this...

**Lionblaze**: *_s__ings_* I'm too sexy for my fur, too sexy for my claws,...

**Hawkfrost**: No, but he's obviously too sexy for it.

**Lionblaze**: *_t__rips over stick and lands on ground_* I'm too sexy for the ground!

**Tigerstar**: He'll do perfectly.

**Lionblaze**: *_c__omes over and looks at crown_* Hey, what's this?

**Tigerstar**: Congratulations, you have found the crown of power! By finding this crown, you are entitled to become king of the forest!

**Lionblaze**: Really? That's awesome!

**Tigerstar**: It sure is my furry friend. Now all you have to do to gain power, is put the crown on your head.

**Lionblaze**: Oka- Wait a minute, you're Hawkfrost and Tigerstar, aren't you evil?

**Tigerstar**: We were evil but we're good now. We regret everything we did to you. We're even doing good deeds now! Just yesterday we saved a kitten from a tree.

**Hawkfrost**: And we brought it back to it's home without possessing it.

**Tigerstar**: Yes, yes we did.

**Lionblaze**: Sounds legit to me. *_puts crown on head_*

**Tigerstar**: How do you feel?

**Lionblaze**: I feel the awesome.

**Tigerstar**: EXCELLENT! We have succeeded, Hawkfrost. Isn't that brilliant?

**Hawkfrost**: You just convinced Lionblaze that you're not evil and to put a crown on his head. That's not much of an achievement, Hitler could have convinced Lionblaze he wasn't evil.

**Tigerstar**: Oh, but unlike him, I will succeed in finishing my entire plan! Now Lionblaze, this is what I want you to do. Go back to your camp and kill Firestar.

**Lionblaze**: Okey-dokey.

* * *

*Hawkfrost and Tigerstar are hiding outside the camp on the edge, watching Lionblaze who is walking up to Firestar*

**Lionblaze**: Hey Grandaddy.

**Firestar**: Hello Lionblaze, nice crown.

**Lionblaze**: You really think so? I was worried that it would make my ears look too big.

**Firestar**: No, I think it really works for you.

**Lionblaze**: You don't think I look-

**Tigerstar**: Lionblaze, the plan!

**Lionblaze**: Oh yeah, I gotta kill you.

**Firestar**: What?

*_Lionblaze kills Firestar_*

**Brackenfur**: What was that?

**Brightheart**: Firestar's dead!

**Berrynose**: Wait, is he dead dead, or is he coming back?

**Jayfeather**: That was his last life.

*_Clan is silent for several seconds_*

**Clan**: YAHOOOOOO!

**Spiderleg**: It's about frickin time!

**Thornclaw**: I'll say so, I thought he'd never die.

**Sorreltail**: Who is the brave hero who killed him?

**Lionblaze**: It was me, Lionblaze.

*_The entire Clan cheers_*

**Tigerstar**: Yes, it's working! *_whispers down to Lionblaze_* Now, Lionblaze, say you'll be king!

**Lionblaze**: I want to go on Bing! Wait, what?

**Tigerstar**: No! Say you'll rule the lake!

**Lionblaze**: I'll maim a cake?

**Hawkfrost**: RULE THE LAKE!

**Lionblaze**: Oh, I'll rule the lake!

**Whitewing**: Sounds fair.

**Cloudtail**: Yeah, we've got like twenty more cats than everyone else.

**Tigerstar**: Lionblaze, go attack ShadowClan!

**Lionblaze**: Nah, you know what I'm tired, let's do this tomorrow.

**Tigerstar**: What? That isn't what I want you to do! Go attack ShadowClan!

**Lionblaze**: I said tomorrow, geesh.

**Hawkfrost**: Tigerstar, I thought you said the crown would give you ultimate control over the wearer?

**Tigerstar**: It's supposed to!

**Lionblaze**: Maybe I'm just too awesome.

**Hawkfrost**: Or too stupid.

**Lionblaze**: Hurtful! I don't want to be king of the forest anymore. *_takes off crown_*

**Tigerstar**: NO! Why must all my plans turn to shit?

**Mapleshade**: TIGERSTAR!

**Tigerstar**: *_whimpers_* Mommy.

*_Tigerstar tries to run away, but Mapleshade comes down and carves a 'T' into his pelt_*

**Hawkfrost**: So, now what are we going to do, Little Shit?

*_Firestar wakes up_*

**Firestar**: W-what's going on?

**Foxleap**: Aw man!

**Dustpelt**: Jayfeather, you said he was dead!

**Jayfeather**: Hey, we can't be perfect.

**Dovepaw**: I am.

**Jayfeather**: Shut up.

**Lionblaze**: Sorry 'bout all that, Firestar.

**Firestar**: No matter, Lionblaze, if you'd been any other cat, I'd banish you, but because you're kin, thank you for killing me.

**Lionblaze**: You're welcome! Hey, do you want this crown? I don't think it works for me.

**Firestar**: Sure, why not? *_puts on crown_*

**Tigerstar**: Hawkfrost! We can control Firestar we-

**Hawkfrost**: Tigerstar, let's just go back to the Dark Forest. I can make you some hot chocolate.

**Tigerstar**: With marshmallows?

**Hawkfrost**: Sure.

**Tigerstar**: Alright fine, let's go.


	3. Cherrykit and Molekit's Games

**Sorry it took me so long to update another story, I've been concentrating on writing another fanfic (not Warriors related). But I'm back!**

* * *

*Molekit is lying outside the nursery when Cherrykit comes over*

**Cherrykit**: Hey, Molekit, whatcha doin'?

**Molekit**: Turning oxygen into carbon dioxide.

**Cherrykit**: Having fun?

**Molekit**: A blast.

**Cherrykit**: Awww, is someone having a bad day?

**Molekit**: Kinda.

**Cherrykit**: Well look at this way, your worst day can never compare to Tigerstar's. Losing all nine lives at once because of little black kitten with attitude. Ouch.

**Molekit**: I know, I know. I'm just so dang bored!

**Cherrykit**: Well, let's play a game.

**Molekit**: *_g__ets up excitedly_* Okay!

**Cherrykit**: How about moss ball?

**Molekit**: I don't wanna play moss ball, that's all we play around here! It's so unoriginal and no one bothers to think of a new game. I'd rather watch the grass grow.

**Cherrykit**: Okay, let's go! *_heads for the camp exit_*

**Molekit**: I was kidding, Cherrykit.

**Cherrykit**: Oh *_comes back, disappointed_* How about hide the mice?

**Molekit**: Nah, the last time we played that game, the entire camp smelled like Mousefur's rear end for a moon. No one could figure out where the stench was coming from!

**Cherrykit**: That's the point, Molekit! To know that it was your own devious plan that caused everyone to walk around camp looking like someone had smeared shit all over their faces!

**Molekit**: Yah, but I'd rather not have to deal with the smell of decaying carcasses while I sleep.

**Cherrykit**: I guess... How 'bout-

**Lionblaze**: It doesn't matter what you do little dude and dudette, but make sure it's not too evil.

**Molekit**: Why, Lionblaze? You going to get us if we do?

**Lionblaze**: Not me, but Firestar will. Do you know what he does to little kitties who misbehave?

**Cherrykit**: What?

**Lionblaze**: He gives them horrible names.

**Cherrykit**: Is that what happened to you?

**Lionblaze**: Yes- I mean no! My name is bitchin'!

**Cherrykit**: Really? But since when have lions blazed? Do they have the mystical ability to erupt in fire?

**Lionblaze**: I wish... But no.

**Molekit**: It's alright Lionblaze, we won't do any thing too mischievous, we promise.

*_Lionblaze nods and walks away_*

**Molekit**: Yeah we wouldn't want a name that makes no sense like Cherryflight or Moletree.

**Cherrykit**: Cherrylaugh and Molekiss!

**Molekit**: Or maybe Cherryfairy and Molesoul.

**Cherrykit**: I could actually live with that name. Cherryfairy Cherryfairy Cherryfairy. It just screams awesomeness.

**Molekit**: I guess... Well what do you think we should do?

**Cherrykit**: I think we should do something naughty, very very naughty.

**Molekit**: How 'bout Ninja?

**Cherrykit**: *_laughs evilly_* That's a brilliant plan, Molekit.

* * *

*The kits are hiding on top of the brambles that cover the camp entrance*

**Molekit**: Ow! I feel like I'm standing on a porcupine! These brambles are starting to implant themselves in my heinie!

**Cherrykit**: Shut your mouth! Do you think real life ninja kitties complain?

**Molekit**: They would if they had to hide in a stack of brambles!

**Cherrykit**: No they wouldn't! They're too awesome to complain, so follow their example and shut your mouth! Look, here comes Purdy, get ready.

*_Purdy comes through the entrance_*

**Cherrykit and Molekit**: NINJA!

*_The kits leap on top of Purdy_*

**Purdy**: Ahh! It's the apocalypse! Adorable furry balls of fluff are falling from the sky! HELP!

*_The clan turns to look at Purdy, but the kits have disappeared_*

**Whitewing**: Purdy are you feeling alright?

**Graystripe**: Did you have a senior moment?

**Purdy**: I suppose I did.

**Jayfeather**: Well learn to keep them to yourself, we need to be on the look out for the real apocalypse! *_looks around frantically_*

* * *

*Cherrykit and Molekit prepare for another ninja attack on top of the camp entrance*

**Cherrykit**: Hey, here comes Jayfeather!

**Molekit**: Do you think it's fair to Ninja a blind cat?

**Cherrykit**: I don't see why not.

*_Jayfeather comes through the entrance_*

**Cherrykit and Molekit**: NINJA!

*_The kits leap at Jayfeather_*

**Jayfeather**: Oh no! The Dark Forest warriors are attacking at this very minute! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

*_Yet again, everyone turns to look, but are disappointed to find it is simply Jayfeather_*

**Lionblaze**: Haha, that's funny, right everyone? I guess Jayfeather just had a little bit too much catnip.

**Millie**: Did he also snort a bunch yesterday? I saw him snuggling a stick...

**Mousewhisker**: *_whispers_* Yeah, you know Jayfeather. He's got a bit of a problem. You know-*_rubs nose_*

*_Lionblaze leads Jayfeather away_*

**Lionblaze**: What's wrong with you, man? You never go against StarClan's word, even if it makes no sense once so ever. Why'd you suddenly shout about the Dark Forest like that if they told you not to?

**Jayfeather**: I-I know something attacked me. I know it! *_twitches_*

**Lionblaze**: Yeah, well why don't you go take a nice long cat nap. You'd better take your whole store of poppy seeds too...

* * *

*Lionblaze is sitting outside when he hears Firestar coming through the entrance and being ninja'd*

**Firestar**: WHO DARES JUMP UPON THE GREAT FIRESTAR?

*_Lionblaze tackes the kits before they can get away_*

**Lionblaze**: Cherrykit? Molekit? What were you two doing?

**Molekit**: We're sorry! We were just so bored!

**Firestar**: That's no excuse! Maybe if you were my kin, but you're not! So as punishment, you will have to clean the elder's den for twenty moons!

**Cherrykit**: What? We'll be warriors by then!

**Lionblaze**: Yeah, Firestar, that's kinda harsh...

**Firestar**: Fine. 19 and 3/4 moons then. Now go before I change my mind!

* * *

*Cherrykit and Molekit are in the elder's den, replacing moss*

**Cherrykit**: This is ridiculous! We'll be lazy elders by the time we're done with our punishment.

**Mousefur**: Now don't talk like that. Being an elder isn't horrible!

**Purdy**: Yeah! Sitting around all day, staring at each other while sucking down prey other cats got for us, this is the life.

**Cherrykit**: Whatever. Firestar is such an asshole for making us do this.

**Mousefur**: Hey there little kit, you're too young to be saying such big girl words.

**Cherrykit**: But he is!

**Mousefur**: I know he is, but you don't have to-

**Purdy**: Oh just calm yourself down, Mousefur, cuss words is like adding flavor to a sentence. Without any bad words, no one pays attention to yah!

**Cherrykit**: It's good to see someone understands.

**Purdy**: Yeah, me and my littermates used to have all kinds of fun with cussin'. We'd have this competition to see who dared to say them the loudest. I always won, too.

**Cherrykit**: Wow, Purdy that's awesome. But didn't your mama do anything to you?

**Purdy**: Let's just say Sandy was right to be angry at Spongebob and Patrick during her hibernation, fur and duck tape don't mix. At all.

**Molekit**: Poor Purdy, he's got so much wrong with him.

**Cherrykit**: Yeah, what the hecks a Spongebob?

* * *

**Sorreltail**: Hey, Brackenfur!

**Brackenfur**: What Sorreltail?

**Sorreltail**: Do you know I had a nightmare about when HONEYFERN died? You know, HONEYFERN our DAUGHTER as in POPPYFROST'S SISTER who was BERRYNOSE'S ORIGINAl MATE.

**Brackenfur**: Sorreltail, shut up, we all know you're just saying that because Cherrykit and Molekit are listening and you want them to question Berrynose about her and add drama to your life.

**Sorreltail**: THAT'S NOT TRUE! *_looks at Cherrykit and Molekit_*

**Molekit**: So, do you want to talk to Berrynose about Honeyfern?

**Cherrykit**: Eh, why not, maybe we'll learn something interesting.

* * *

**Cherrykit**: Berrynose!

**Berrynose**: Yes me little kits?

**Cherrykit**: Who's Honeyfern?

**Berrynose**: That's would be your mommy's sister who I loved, before, you know, she died and stuff.

**Molekit**: Was she any better than mom?

**Berrynose**: Well let's put it this way, Honeyfern was like a beautiful flower blooming on a countryside during Greenleaf. You're mom on the other hand, is like a washed up, hairless, mutant creature that's half unicorn and half elf and looks like it's been bitten by Dracula and/or Edward...

**Molekit**: Sure, but Berrynose, isn't it kinda wrong to go after your dead mate's sister?

**Berrynose**: Let me tell you two something, there's nothing wrong with going after your mate's sibling, just so long as your old mate aien't breathing. That's why I had to make absolutely sure she was dead before I went after your mama.

**Molekit**: Oh.

**Berrynose**: Yeah, see you two won't have to worry about someone going from one of you to the next, unless you're previous mate wasn't straight. Cherrykit, I'd watch out for Bumblestripe if I were you, I think his line's kinda curved, if you know what I mean.

* * *

*Cherrykit and Molekit are hanging around the nursery*

**Cherrykit**: I am bored, I am bored so very very frickin' bored. You know, Purdy was right, cuss words do add flavor to a sentence. Hey why don't we play that game he told us about?

**Molekit**: What? We'll be in so much trouble! Poppyfrost will probably chop off our hind ends and give them to Briarlight so she can walk.

**Cherrykit**: *_looks lovingly at hind end_* I think I can risk it.

**Molekit**: I still think-

**Cherrykit**: What? You're not scared are you?

**Molekit**: No!

**Cherrykit**:Then let's go! Here, I'll start off.*_whispers inaudibly_*

*_whispers same word slightly louder_*

**Cherrykit**: shit

**Molekit**: Shit

**Cherrykit**: Shit!

**Poppyfrost**: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

**Molekit**: Uh... Shit!

**Poppyfrost**: Well you better stop saying that if you want to keep your tongues!

**Cherrykit**: But I don't want to loose! Shit!

**Poppyfrost**: YOU BETTER STOP RIGHT NOW!

*_Molekit stares at his paws while Cherrykit looks smug_*

**Poppyfrost**: Good *_leaves_*

**Cherrykit**: Loser.

**Molekit**: *_growls_* SHIT!

* * *

*_Cherrykit, Molekit, Purdy, and Berrynose are hanging upside down from a tree with their tails tied around the branch_*

**Cherrykit**: Hey, Purdy we're sorry bout that, it was kind of an immediate reaction to tell Poppyfrost where we learned about the game...

**Berrynose**: And it probably wasn't the best idea to tell her that I compared her to creature from the sea, either!

* * *

Thanks to all the people who reviewed!

Superleigh50- yay, the first person who ever reviewed for one of my stories! (this is my first story) Thanks!

winterthaw of thunderclan- I found out that humans paralyzed from the waist down can have children naturally, I figured that applied to cats too. And the stories don't relate to each other, they're their own seperate stories. Kind of like Spongebob episodes. Thanks for the review!

Mysticbreeze327- I'm equally happy to have found someone who dislikes Firestar as much as I do, everyone I know says he's their favorite character...

XxPieInYaFacexX- It's good to see someone understands my sense of humor.


	4. Ferncloud and Daisy Stop Having Kits

**Finally, it is done! It may take me a bit longer to update next time, though, I just got another pet parakeet who needs to be hand trained. **

**I thought of this story after reading that Erin seemed to be putting Foxleap and Rosepetal together...**

_*Ferncloud is skipping through camp*_

**Ferncloud**: Oh my life is so wonderful, I have the perfect kits, perfect mate, and perfect Clan. My life is just so frickin' awesome, I don't know how it could be better.

*_Ferncloud goes into the warriors den to find Rosepetal and Foxleap cuddling_*

**Foxleap**: I love you.

**Rosepetal**: I love you more.

**Foxleap**: No, I love you m-

**Ferncloud**: WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?

**Foxleap**: W-what's wrong?

**Ferncloud**: What's wrong? Are you two so infatuated with each other you don't know your own relatives when you see them?

**Foxleap**: Huh?

**Ferncloud**: Foxleap, Rosepetal is your niece!

**Foxleap**: Nu-uh!

**Ferncloud**: Yeah-huh! Foxleap, your brother is Spiderleg, and Rosepetal is Spiderleg's daughter! How could you be with your niece you perv?

**Foxleap**: Well, it's not my fault I'm related to practically everyone in the Clan. The only cats who bother to reproduce around here are you and Daisy.

**Ferncloud**: That's not true... Poppyfrost had kits!

**Foxleap**: Yeah, with Berrynose, who is Daisy's son!

**Ferncloud**: But everyone in a clan is supposed to be related!

**Foxleap**: Yes, but distantly. Our Clan is going to get so bad, my kits will probably have to shack up with their first cousins because there is no one else! Or they'll have to go to another Clan just so they don't inbreed, but even then Daisy's probably responsible for half the cats in every clan. She's such a slut...

**Ferncloud**: That's not- I don't- YOU KNOW I DON'T HAVE TO HEAR THIS! I'M LEAVING!

*_Ferncloud storms out dramatically_*

* * *

*Ferncloud is padding dramatically out of the warriors' den and runs into Daisy*

**Daisy**: Hey Ferncloud, how's life?

**Ferncloud**: Not so good, I just saw Rosepetal making out with Foxleap.

**Daisy**: Really? I thought my kit would know better than to hook up with their relatives. She should know those flirty moves I taught her are not to be used on uncles!

**Ferncloud**: And I thought Foxleap had at least a little common sense. Turns out he's as stupid as every other minor character around here.

*_Daisy looks at Lionblaze having an argument with Jayfeather_*

**Lionblaze: **Trees aren't living things, if they are, then why don't they move? I ran into, like, three of them, cause none of them bothered to move out of the way. So either they're not alive, or big fat jackasses!

*_Jayfeather smashes his head against a rock wall_*

**Daisy**: I don't think the main characters are much better, Ferncloud.

**Ferncloud**: Still, I know Foxleap, he's probably just doing this so he'll become more important.

**Daisy**: He thinks having his niece as a mate and producing wacked up offspring who don't know whether to call him daddy or their great-uncle will make him more important?

**Ferncloud**: It will make cats remember him for more than just the cat who was born, said a few things, then died. Like Molepaw, Sootfur, Rainwhisker,-

**Daisy**: Who, who, and who?

**Ferncloud**: Exactly.

**Daisy**: I suppose I see the point...

**Ferncloud**: Daisy, do you think we're the only ones who populate this clan?

**Daisy**: Totally. But what else am I supposed to do, other than fill the Clan with my kin to prepare for world domination?

**Ferncloud**: What?

**Daisy**: Never mind. Point is Ferncloud, we aien't good for anything else in this Clan. I mean sure if I_ tried_ to hunt, then I'd probably catch something, but that takes _effort._

**Ferncloud**: True, but still, maybe we should stop having kits. Our kits are already old enough to start breeding. We need to step back so that they know they have to start making babies.

**Daisy**: They probably don't know how.

**Ferncloud**: You think we should give them... the talk?

**Daisy**: They should be able to figure it out without us resorting to that. They aren't that stupid... I hope. So, I guess it's a good idea to stop.

**Ferncloud**: Then it's settled, no more kits

**Daisy**: No more kits, well maybe just one more litter-

**Ferncloud**: Daisy!

**Daisy**: Sorry, Sorry! Be strong Daisy, Be strong.

* * *

*Ferncloud is grooming herself outside the warriors' den when Dustpelt comes over*

**Dustpelt**: Hey Ferncloud, you know I realized something, we haven't had kits in over two seasons! We need to start getting it on again or else-

**Ferncloud**: I'm not having any more kits, Dustpelt.

**Dustpelt**: W-what?

**Ferncloud**: I'm not having any more, I'm tired of being the only one having kits in this clan. I can barely hold my bladder for more than two minutes as it is...

**Dustpelt**: B-but we have to have kits! I have to have kits! I NEED TO HAVE KITS RIGHT NOW, YOU WILL HAVE KITS WITH ME OR I WILL FIND SOME OTHER CAT!

**Ferncloud**: Good luck with that.

*_Dustpelt looks around and sees Hazeltail walking by. He lunges at her and pushes her into nearby bush._*

**Firestar**: Ferncloud, did you just say you're not having kits anymore?

**Ferncloud**: That's right, Firestar.

**Firestar**: Oh, um, okay... I suppose I'd better tell the Clan. *_whispers_* This will be interesting. *_leaps onto highledge_* Listen up everybody!

**Brightheart**: Hey, do the Clan call!

**Firestar**: That would take too long and it's so Bluestar. I am your leader now, I make my own calls. Lionblaze, think of an interesting call.

**Lionblaze**: Yo, yo, everybody in da clan, come down here if ya can catch your own shi-

**Firestar**: PG please!

**Lionblaze**: Catch your own... stuff...

**Firestar**: Yes, stuff. Anyway, I suppose I should tell you that, er, well, Ferncloud and Daisy aren't having kits anymore.

**Clan**: WHAT?

**Ivypaw**: You two have to have kits! If you don't, that means the rest of us will have to!

**Ferncloud**: We're not having anymore kits!

**Firestar**: Calm down everyone, it's not the end of the world. Your acting like you just got news that the Dark Forest is planning to attack and StarClan expects us to fight them all seperately.

**Thornclaw**: Then what do we do, Firestar?

**Firestar**: That's the Great Firestar to you, non-kin member. Anyway, it's simple, Bumblestripe, Blossomfall, Briarlight, Rosepetal, Toadstep, Icecloud, Foxleap, Lionblaze, Cinderheart, Mousewhisker, Hazeltail, Leafpool, Thornclaw, Brambleclaw, and Squirrelflight need to stop being single and hook up with someone and start breeding!

**Blossomfall**: But we don't know how to do the stork call!

**Daisy**: The stork- what?

**Blossomfall**: You know the stork call... the sound that makes the stork come and give you kits. We don't know it.

**Ferncloud**: *_l__ooks at Daisy_* I think we need to be giving them that talk now.

**Daisy**: Alright everyone, anyone who doesn't know where kits come from, go right now, we're are going to explain what happens.

*_Non-innocent cats disappear_*

**Ferncloud**: Okay, so what happens, when a she-cat and a tom like each other very much...

*_Ten minutes later_*

**Toadstep**: YOU PUT WHAT IN WHERE?

**Mousewhisker**: AAAHHH, MY EARS ARE BURNING, NO MORE, NO MORE!

**Lionblaze**: Why does everyone think it sounds so dirty? I think it sounds fun. *_looks at Cinderheart_*

**Firestar**: *_Comes out along with the rest of the clan_* I'm going to guess that because you are all screaming in horror, you have finally discovered the wonders of love.

**Icecloud**: This aien't cool, Firestar, we aien't doing any of that stuff.

**Dovepaw**: Yeah! And carrying kits will stretch my perfectly perfect body!

**Clan**: SHUT UP!

**Firestar**: Oh, come on everyone, you're not kits, it's not horrible. Like Lionblaze said, it can be fun, depending on who you're with...

**Rosepetal**: Yes, I wouldn't mind having fun with Foxleap and carrying his kits *_snuggles Foxleap_*

**Bumblestripe**: *_gags_* You don't expect us to pair up with our kin do you?

**Toadstep**: Yeah, Some of us don't like to inbreed! *_looks at Rosepetal and Foxleap_*

**Firestar**: Well it's not my fault you're all related, if only SOMEONE decided to give you the talk earlier, MAYBE you would have all started having kits sooner. Then we wouldn't be stuck in this situation!

**Blossomfall**: But we don't have to have kits! Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight should stop bickering and have some kits!

**Squirrelflight**: Hah! I can't have kits! I'm defected and I'm proud of it!

**Ivypaw**: Well Lionblaze and Cinderheart were mates, Cinderheart just needs to accept that Lionblaze is more important than her.

**Cinderheart**: I will not! I'm too special!

**Firestar**: Calm down everyone. We'll think of something. Hopefully...

* * *

*A moon has past and after a mysterious case of exploding cats which was found to be caused by Pop Rocks and Coke given to them by an odd dark tabby, ThunderClan almost has less cats than the other clans. Almost.*

*_Ferncloud walks out of her den to see Bumblestripe and Blossomfall talking to Icecloud _*

**Bumblestripe**: But you have to do this, Icecloud, it's your duty!

**Icecloud**: How is it only my duty to have kits? You all know how it happens now, you can do it yourself.

**Blossomfall**: But you're Ferncloud's kit! It's in your DNA to produce at least twenty kits in your life time.

**Icecloud**: I don't want to!

**Bumblestripe**: Come on! We're desperate here, you can have kits with anyone! Someone from another Clan, Firestar says he's willing to have another litter, even Purdy is ready to get it on!

**Icecloud**: Why don't you just release Dustpelt? He can pick someone to have kits with.

*_They look at a huge stone den where ten tough cats, a rabid raccoon, three ninja kitties, and Jayfeather with his newly sharpened stick are guarding Dustpelt_*

**Dustpelt**: I MUST HAVE KITS! I MUST REPRODUCE, THAT IS ALL ANIMALS ARE SUPPOSED TO DO!

**Blossomfall**: He's kinda crazy right know, Icecloud. He wants to have kits so bad he'd probably go for the first she-cat that he sees. Do you really want us to release that kind of monster on poor innocent she-cats?

**Icecloud**: No...

*_Ferncloud sees Daisy and Thornclaw together_*

**Ferncloud**: Daisy? What are you doing?

**Daisy**: I'm sorry, Ferncloud, I just can't stop having kits. Let's face it, there's really no help for this clan anyway. Half of them won't reproduce because they're closely related to most of the clan, they're not as screwed up as Foxleap and Rosepetal. And besides, the more kits I have, the easier it will be to overtake the world.

**Ferncloud**: Huh?

**Daisy**: Just forget it Ferncloud. I know you want to have kits too, so why don't you go tell Firestar you'll start breeding again and release Dustpelt?

**Ferncloud**: Okay.

* * *

*Ferncloud is licking Brambleclaw affectionately while Dustpelt screams to be let out*

**Ferncloud**: What? I didn't _have _to release Dustpelt, and besides, Brambleclaw is so much better...

* * *

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I'm glad so many of you did!

LightningstormZero: Oh no, maybe the ninja kitties can find it for you...

Marauderfox: It's nice to see someone get the HP reference, I was worried not a lot of people had read HP.

Socksaresupercool: I totally agree, Firestar needs to die in the series soon. And those cats are three of my favorite cats as well, I've always liked the evil villian more than the hero.

Myrtlefalls: Agreed, I love that this story seems to have brought all those who hate Firestar into the open so I don't feel like I'm all alone.

winterthaw of thunderclan: No problem, I was kinda curious if it was possible after reading several JayfeatherxBriarlight stories too.

Yellowtail555: Yes! Another person who understands Firestar seems to be living forever! Glad to see you liked the story so much.

XxPieInYaFacexX: Hmm... Interesting idea, If I decide to use it, I'll be sure to say you gave me the idea.

Superleigh50: Thanks for another review!

XxCandiSprinklzxX: I will keep writing until my arm falls off, or I can't think of anything else, which ever comes first. But I've already got a list of around ten ideas.

XxRainbowSprinklesxX: I agree completely with that. I wonder if Erin Hunter knows this many people think this about Firestar...

Ivyclanmoonblossom: Thanks for reviewing the story, hope you still think so.

DisneyFanGirl27: You didn't know about Rowanclaw? Yeah, it's sad, I think I even read somewhere that Erin Hunter didn't regret the mistake.

jayfeatherxcinderheart: You think so? I think it's probably my favorite too, because it had ninja kitties.


	5. The Radio

Hello everyone, sorry for taking so long to update. Hope this makes up for it. Happy Easter!

* * *

*Dovepaw and Ivypaw are walking through ThunderClan territory*

**Dovepaw**: So then I heard the fox attacking Tigerheart while I was helping build a nest for some orphan baby eagles in the mountains. I used my super speed, which I have know by the way, to race back home. I saved Tigerheart by blinding the fox with my extreme perfection and awesomeness. Then we made out for three hour and-

**Ivypaw**: Dovepaw, would you just shut up! I don't care!

**Dovepaw**: *_gasps_* How could you not want to hear my beautiful tale? Everyone listens to my stories, they all love me.

**Ivypaw**: More like everyone hates you.

**Dovepaw**: At least I'm more perfect that you!

**Ivypaw**: You are not! *_trips over metal box_*

**Dovepaw**: Hah! I told you! You don't see me tripping over conveniently placed plot devices.

**Ivypaw**: What is this thing? It reeks like a big sweaty twoleg. *_sniffs_* That just got done eating a McDonalds Big Mac with nacho cheese?

**Dovepaw**: If it smells like twolegs we should take it to Firestar since he was a kittypet once.

**Ivypaw**: Or Millie, Daisy, Berrynose, Mousewhisker, Purdy, Cloudtail...

**Dovepaw**: Shshsh, were aren't supposed to point out how many kittypets there are in the clan, they have rights too.

* * *

*Ivypaw and Dovepaw walk into camp with the radio*

**Purdy**: Well, look what the cats dragged in. What the heck is that thing?

**Ivypaw**: We don't know, that's why we brought it here.

**Cloudtail**: Well, what if it was a nuke? Then when you're ignorance blows us all to frickin' dust, maybe you'll realize-

**Daisy**: OMG it's a radio!

**Cloudtail**: Uh hello, Daisy, you're interrupting my rant. I was on a roll there.

**Daisy**: Shut it, Cloudtail, I haven't seen a radio in ages!

**Lionblaze**: So it's a radio? Just looks like a pile of twoleg shit to me.

**Mousewhisker**: What's a radio? Sounds like some sort of instrument that destroys you're brain.

**Daisy**: It's this thingy that plays twoleg music.

**Mousewhisker**: Oh, so the same thing then?

**Purdy**: Back in my day, twolegs listened to music on circular disks called records. When the flip did the radio get invented?

**Foxleap**: After they invented fire and the wheel, Purdy. You're twolegs must not have lived past that point in history.

**Purdy**: Why you-

**Daisy**: Okay, everyone. How 'bout we try to turn it on?

**Millie**: But doesn't it need to have it's electric cord plugged into an outlet?

**Daisy**: No, see it has this lid and screw thing, so it's battery powered.

**Dustpelt**: Ahh, all this twoleg lingo is hurting my ears!

**Cloudtail**: Well, do you know which is the on button?

**Daisy**: No, but when in doubt, press buttons till something happens. *_pushes random buttons_*

**Jayfeather**: I don't think we should turn it on, some twolegs become obsessed with their music. What if that happens to us? *_thunder_*

**Lionblaze**: Nah, that aien't gonna happen, you loon. Stop being so dramatic.

**Jayfeather**: I am not dramatic! *_thunder_*

**Daisy**: It's not turning on... *_sad face_*

**Millie**: Maybe we should-

**Firestar**: Okay, okay, everyone, the Great Firestar is here. There is nothing to worry about because I shall protect- Great StarClan what is that? Get out of my way, the Great Firestar gets to leave first!

**Millie**: It's just a radio, Firestar.

**Firestar**: Oh, okay, a radio. It looked like a bomb from up there.

**Cloudtail**: How do you know what a bomb looks like?

**Firestar**: Uhhh... Moving on. So why isn't it on? We should be rockin' out right now!

**Lionblaze**: It wouldn't work.

**Firestar**: Nonsense, I bet I can make it turn on. *_starts pressing buttons_* Crap, uh. *_starts shaking radio, then bashes it repeatedly into ground_* WHY! WON'T! YOU! WORK!

**Spiderleg**: It's okay, we should just open it up and use the sharp pieces of metal to kill our enemies.

**Firestar**: Hang on, before we try that. Dovepaw!

**Dovepaw**: Yes?

**Firestar**: Turn on the radio.

**Dovepaw**: K-K. *_presses button and the radio turns on_*

**Ivypaw**: Oh really?

**Millie**: Yay!

**Lionblaze**: Wow, twoleg music sucks, it sounds like a drowning rabid duck that's being chocked by a radio-active super squirrel.

**Daisy**: That's just the static, it's between stations.

**Lionblaze**: Oh...

**Daisy**: Here let me tune in on one...

**Radio**: With a thousand lies and a good disguise...

**Graystripe**: *_bouncing_* I like this song.

**Thornclaw**: Yeah, Graystripe, shake that chubby heinie!

**Graystripe**: My heinie is not chubby! Stop looking at it!

**Radio**: See the lightning in your eyes, see 'em running, fu-

**Poppyfrost**: *_covers kit's ears_* CHANGE IT, CHANGE IT NOW!

*_Daisy changes station to opera_*

**Lionblaze**: Twolegs consider someone yelling in foreign with overly dramatic back round music a song?

**Daisy**: Let's try something else. *_changes station_*

**Radio**: Do you remember we were sittin' there by the water-

**Firestar**: Oh heck no. *_Firestar butts in and changes station_*

**Millie**: Hey! You got something against Taylor Swift?

**Firestar**: Do not say that monstrosity's name here!

**Radio**: Today I don't feel like doing anything-

**Daisy**: Let's keep it on here, I think it's safe.

**Ferncloud**: Okay, but they better not cuss again!

* * *

*The Clan is rocking out to the music*

**Radio**: And I was like, baby, baby, baby, oh...

**Bumblestripe**: She's a good singer. Kinda sounds like that girl who whipped her hair back and forth.

**Lionblaze**: Eh, I've heard better.

**Radio**: And that was Justin Bieber's Baby.

**Daisy**: Justin Bieber? But my twoleg's name was Justin and he was a male.

**Icecloud**: Maybe the radio guy ment Justina

**Brackenfur**: Or maybe poor Justin was in a horrible accident that left him... more female.

**Lionblaze**: Well, if he does have balls, they're nothing compared to mine, cause I have the biggest balls of them all!

**Ivypaw**: Really, Lionblaze? That's the song that's stuck in your head?

**Radio**: And we'll be right back after this from our sponsors.

**Lionblaze**: Arg! I hate commercials! Curse you radio for speaking of delicious and interesting things that I dream of having but can never possess. *_extreme sad face_*

**Foxleap**: It's okay Lionblaze, maybe we can go rob wal-mart later and get you that new Ke$ha CD.

**Lionblaze**: *_sniff_* Okay.

**Radio**: It has been proven that humans are-

**Molekit**: What's a human?

**Lionblaze**: Dunno, maybe human is some sort of deadly disease twolegs get. It's probably what's infected Justin Bieber and the twolegs are worried it'll spread.

**Millie**: No, twolegs call themselves humans.

**Lionblaze**: What? No they don't! Why would twolegs call themselves humans, but call everything else what we call it? It'd would make sense that they'd call themselves twolegs, since we seem to use the same language.

**Millie**: Okay...

* * *

*Night is starting to fall*

**Cherrykit**: I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock. Your-

**Poppyfrost**: Cherrykit!

**Cherrykit**: What? I'm just singin' about a bird. Chill.

**Poppyfrost**: You know that's not what that song is about!

**Cherrykit**: Whatever. Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock. Don't be a chicken boy stop acting like a-

**Poppyfrost**: *_holds up knife she got after robbing Wal-Mart_* You better not!

**Cherrykit**: *_whimper_*

**Radio**: I had the time of my life and I never felt this way before-

**Cherrykit**: Oh, I love this song!

**Poppyfrost**: Well, you need to go to bed, so no Black Eyed Peas for you.

**Cherrykit**: What? Everyone else gets to stay up! I will too! I refuse to go to bed, I can't be tamed!

**Poppyfrost**: Come with me now!

**Cherrykit**: *_holds breath_*

**Ivypaw**: What's she doing?

**Poppyfrost**: Trying to get her way by holding her breath.

**Ivypaw**: She's turning red!

**Poppyfrost**: Oh don't worry, once she passes out she'll start breathing again.

*_Cherrykit passes out_*

**Poppyfrost**: Finally. *_drags Cherrykit to den_*

* * *

*Ivypaw wakes up after a restless night, unable to sleep because the clan was partying to the music all night*

**Ivypaw**: Graystripe? Why are you hiding?

**Graystripe**: The radio said it's going to rain today.

**Ivypaw**: What? But there isn't a cloud in the sky!

**Graystripe**: If the radio said it's gonna rain, it's gonna rain. The radio knows all.

**Ivypaw**: How do you know?

**Graystripe**: Yesterday, my horoscope was that my life would get hit with something unpleasant, and it did!

**Ivypaw**: That's because Lionblaze heard you listening to your horoscope on the radio and chucked mouse bile bombs at your head!

**Graystripe**: Well then the radio realized that Lionblaze would overhear it saying my horoscope, so warned me that my life would be effected by what Lionblaze did after hearing what it predicted cause it predicted that Lionblaze would hear it's prediction. Duh!

**Ivypaw**: *_slaps face with paw_*

**Graystripe**: Anyway, I'd better get cozy, the radio said it's gonna rain hard.

**Ivypaw**: It's not going to rain!

*_clouds cover the sun and rain falls_*

**Graystripe**: Told you, all hail the all knowing radio!

*_Ivypaw heads for cover. Once the rain stops, she and the rest of the clan come out_*

**Berrynose**: Wow, look a rainbow!

**Spiderleg**: It's a double rainbow!

**Clan**: It's a double rainbow all the way across the sky.

**Ivypaw**: My clan needs help.

* * *

*Ivypaw is walking to her den to go to sleep*

**Lionblaze**: I'm about to lose my mind-

**Ivypaw**: You too?

**Lionblaze**: Yo, Ivypaw how's everything?

**Ivypaw**: Horrible.

**Lionblaze**: How comes?

**Ivypaw**: Everyone has become obsessed with that stupid radio.

**Lionblaze**: What makes you say that?

*_Ivypaw looks at the entire clan crammed around the radio_*

**Ivypaw**: No one is doing anything anymore! What's worse is everyone is using lyrics from songs in their conversations, it's so cheesy.

**Lionblaze**:Na na na come on, Ivypaw, that aien't true. You just got to accept that we are who we are.

**Ivypaw**: *_sighs_* I'm going to bed.

**Lionblaze**: Night night, don't let Lady Gaga bite!

* * *

*Ivypaw manages to drift off to sleep and wakes up in the Dark Forest*

**Ivypaw**: Wha? Where am- oh, this place. Great, yeah this is just wonderful, another reason why I hate my life.

**Hawkfrost**: Yeesh, it's nice to see you too, who tied you're whiskers in a knot?

**Ivypaw**: Sorry, Hawkfrost, I'm just sick of everyone in my Clan obsessing over that... thing...

**Hawkfrost**: Oh, you mean the radio?

**Ivypaw**: Yeah, how do you know what it's called?

**Hawkfrost**: Ivypaw, when you die, you instantly know everything. I mean, how else would I know that you have a crush on-

**Ivypaw**: What?

**Hawkfrost**: Never mind. So what are you going to do about the evil creature?

**Ivypaw**: I don't know! There's nothing I can do, I'll just have to suffer with that thing for eternity.

**Hawkfrost**: Why don't you just steal it?

**Ivypaw**: How? My Clan is always surrounding the Object-That-Must-Not-Be-Named.

**Hawkfrost**: I can go down on earth and distract them all away from it for you.

**Ivypaw**: Really? That's great! Thanks Hawkfrost!

**Hawkfrost**: It's okay, it's best we stop this before it spreads, anyway. The last thing we need is everyone down here singing to Katy Perry songs...

* * *

*Ivypaw and Hawkfrost are hiding around the edge of camp*

**Ivypaw**: So how are you going to get them away from it?

**Hawkfrost**: You leave that to me, but when the clan runs for it, make sure you grab the radio and run away as fast as possible, got it?

**Ivypaw**: Yep.

**Hawkfrost**: Good, now go and make sure you're prepared. I don't want you screwing this up.

*_Ivypaw goes down into camp waits for Hawkfrost's signal_*

**Hawkfrost**: OMG EVERYBODY RUN! CHARLIE SHEEN IS ON A MURDEROUS RAMPAGE AND HEADING THIS WAY!

*_clan frantically runs for cover and Ivypaw races to grab the radio_*

**Ivypaw**: Damn radio, why must you be so heavy?

**Brambleclaw**: Okay, okay, remember, if Charlie Sheen attacks you, hit him in the- Wait, IVYPAW WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

**Ivypaw**: Uh, nothing.

**Blossomfall**: SHE'S STEALING THE RADIO GET HER!

**Ivypaw**: Oh crap.

*_Ivypaw runs towards the lake carrying the radio with the clan following her like a pack of caffeinated chipmunks_*

**Firestar**: Ivypaw, drop the radio before someone gets hurt.

**Ivypaw**: I will not! This radio must be destroyed, it's made you all crazy!

**Brambleclaw**: Tell me, who says that?

*_Ivypaw chucks the radio into the lake_*

**Clan**: NOOOOO!

*_Firestar goes into the lake to save the radio_*

**Jayfeather**: Well someone help him!

**Spiderleg**: Nah, it'll be worth it to lose the radio if we get rid of Firestar at the same time.

**Jayfeather**: Ugh! *_runs in to save Firestar. Then after a few seconds he comes back empty pawed_*

**Blossomfall**: Well? Where's the radio?

**Jayfeather**: Firestar was clinging onto it. I tried to save him, but StarClan told me to let him go.

**Ivypaw**: So you just let him go because a dead cat told you to?

**Jayfeather**: Yeah, why not?

**Ivypaw**: ...

*_Firestar resurfaces with the radio in his jaws_*

**Foxleap**: Argh, Jayfeather! The least you could have done was slash his throat before he went down so he couldn't come back!

**Firestar**: It's okay everyone, I've rescued the radio!

**Ivypaw**: No! Don't you felines understand what this radio has done to all of you? It is not a good thing!

**Millie**: Yes it is, Ivypaw, the radio is awesome, it always plays great music. See... *_turns on radio_*

**Radio**: It's Friday Friday Friday gotta get-

**Ferncloud**: AHHHH!

**Clan**: THROW IT BACK INTO THE LAKE! THROW IT BACK!

*_Firestar throws the radio back into the lake_*

**Radio**: Fri..day.. Fried...Eggs... Fly...

**Firestar**: Phew, never heard that on there before.

*_Graystripe humms heartwarming music as Bumblestripe speaks_*

**Bumblestripe**: I guess that radio was really negativley effecting our lives. We shouldn't have let it control us, thank you, Ivypaw.

**Firestar**: Yeah, and Jayfeather, why did you drop me you little-

**Jayfeather**: StarClan told me to!

**Firestar**: StarClan... I swear, they must be running out of Firestar lives up there to cuddle with, too many she-cats love me. Not that I'm complaining.

**Lionblaze**: *_sniff_*

**Spiderleg**: What's wrong, Lionblaze?

**Lionblaze**: How am I gonna play my Ke$ha CD now?

* * *

Just in case you read something but can't remember what song it's from, here's the list of songs I used:

You're Gonna Go Far Kid/The Offspring

Mine/Taylor Swift

Lazy Day/Bruno Mars

Baby/Justin Bieber

Big Balls/AC/DC

Peacock/Katy Perry

The Time/Black Eyed Peas

Can't Be Tamed/Miley Cyrus

I Need A Doctor/Dr Dre ft Eminem

We R Who We R/Ke$ha

S n M/Rihanna

Who Says/Selena Gomez

The Double Rainbow Song/autotuned by schmoyoho (thanks XxRainbowSprinklesxX!)

Friday/Rebecca Black

Okay, I think I got everyone who reviewed. I can't tell you all how much I love that you are reviewing, it really is the only way I know if people like or hate my story. I have a negative mind that assumes everyone who reads but doesn't review didn't like the story. Watch that's probably true, but since I have so many others who enjoy my story, I'm happy.

Shades of Gray: Aw thanks, it's not often I get called a genius, which makes it all the more special.

XxPieInYaFacexX: No probs. Go Ninja Kitteh!

Pixel.169: Love the Youtube idea, my only problem is that I don't own a camera or have enough people to play the parts. Honestly though, if anyone wants to make a video of themselves acting it out, I'd have no problem with it.

sky651: Interesting idea, but if he were to return to his Clan, he'd probably have to go back on his own. ThunderClan isn't going to rescue him if I have anything to say about it. So if I use this it's okay then? I'll say you gave me the idea if I do.

winterthaw if thunderclan: Cats may inbreed, but it doesn't mean their offspring won't suffer from physical deformities and mental illnesses as humans do. If Foxleap and Rosepetal had kits though, I know the Erin Hunter will make them perfectly healthy, which would be unlikely.

LightningstormZero: I feel like I've heard that before somewhere. Thanks for the review, it's good to know you thought it was funny.

Superleigh50: Really? I love it when I make people laugh, so I'm glad you thought so.

Me: Yes, I agree too. Too bad Erin Hunter didn't add Ninja Kitties...

Brackenpaw: Ferncloud and Dustpelt are uncle and niece? Dang it, if I'd only known that before I wrote this... Thanks for telling me, at least now I know.

utahraptor: I love that everyone says my story is hilarious. It's a much stronger word then just 'funny' and I know I succeeded in my task at making a parody.

Nightkill: You do? Thanks much.

xxEu-chan: I will not tell you who gave the Clan Pop Rocks and soda, only that when you're dead you have access to many things. Wow, I just got an idea for an actual story, hmm...

Coqui's Song: It's nice to see someone understands that pairing closely related cat's together is wrong. I mean, I understand that a Clan is a group of family members, but there should be enough cats that they don't have to pair up with their nieces and nephews.

Mothstar: I apologize if chapter 4 seemed to have a lot of mature themes, it's just the plot for it made it so easy. I hope this chapter wasn't so mature, I cut down on my cussing and sexual references, only those in popular songs were included.

Hazelmallorn: Oh no, don't die! I got caught up in stuff and didn't have anytime to write. Was this chapter any good?

liontwist: Did I ever say Mapleshade was Tigerstar's mother or did you assume that's what I ment? When Tigerstar asked for his mommy, he was asking for protection against the rath of Mapleshade.

Blazingstar of ThunderClan: Yay, someone else who is starting to read my story! I'm glad to know you thought it was funny, thanks for reviewing.

Ashlight11: I don't think you'll have much competiton for Jayfeather, unless Briarlight got bionic legs... I just got another idea for a story! Thanks for reviewing, I appreciate it.

Jasmine Wander: I could only remember him dieing twice, however Warriors wikia said he did die three times. I guess I just don't count him not showing up in the allegiances anymore as dieing.


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